Painful times

Hi All.
Once again I must apologise to all of you who have been tuning into this blog to check out the words of wisdom that are dripping from my mouth as I walk through this journey with cancer.

Unfortunately, the difficult period that I find myself in since I last posted a blog has continued. The problem has been that the medication I am being given is not controlling the pain which I am experiencing through the cancer.
As we go through different combinations of drugs and the timing in taking them, it is causing me to experience different degrees of being well, and not feeling too great. As is always the case with people who have cancer, you have your good days and your bad days. Over the last three weeks I am afraid that the bad days have outweighed the good days.

I am very happy to say, however, that we have come up with the solution of me going into the local Marie Curie hospice next Monday or Tuesday, so that they can monitor the input of the different kinds of drugs they think will help me get through this period of intense pain. I will use this time to focus on this blog, and to go into the feelings that I have experienced through this illness over the last 12 months, and I should have the time to be able to devote myself to writing a comprehensive account of my experiences.

One of the things that is causing the problem, and is worth noting for healers that may come across people who do spiritual work who contract cancer, is that the practices that we do in our meditations can cause shifts in our energy bodies, which when integrated with the density of manufactured chemical remedies, can cause problems.
I myself have practised pranayama for many years which purifies the etheric body, and your Lightbody. The downside to this is that if you intake anything which is of a dense vibration, and that could be food or drink, or in this case medication, it can have an abrasive effect on the subtle body. It is this effect which I am finding difficult at this time as we go through the range of drugs that are available to me to help me get through the pain caused by the cancer.

Because of where the cancer is situated, the pain is associated with the nerves in my mouth and neck which are being aggravated by the cancerous growth. As anybody who has suffered toothache will attest, this pain can be quite intense. It also seems to be triggered without warning, without any kind of outside stimulus, and this is quite disconcerting as it can strike any time, anywhere, without warning.

I am also finding having to go through this quite difficult.
As I have always been a person who resisted taking conventional medicine, I have to swallow humble pie, and give in to the expertise of the professional doctors who are attempting to help me at this time. The medication that they are recommending are medications that are usually used in people who are depressed, or who have epileptic fits. Just this description by itself can make most of us in the holistic health arena wince at the prospect of having to take such aggressive chemicals.
One of the lessons of having cancer, is to let go of one's firm beliefs and judgements, and to accept the space in which I find myself at this time. I must trust the people who I have drawn to myself to help me. And even though these chemicals are not the first thing on the list that I would take, I must trust that in the moment that they are the best that is available at this time.

I am also finding it very difficult, because of not feeling very well at all, actually sitting down at the computer doing any kind of work. I have to be very disciplined to get up and move around day by day. It would be very easy to just go to bed and stay there. I think if I did this, though, it would have long-term detrimental effect on my outlook, and I feel I must keep going in trying to maintain some kind of daily routine. I hope, therefore, to be able to start to post blog on a regular basis.
Much love.
Kevin.