The Twighlight Zone

Hi all.
So, another week passes since I last contributed to this blog.
On reflection, as I write these words, it occurs to me that Kevin Core has not been around for the last two months. The start of the exodus into other realms began with the advent of the intense pain that I started to feel nearly 2 months ago. After having called the emergency services, and finding myself in the emergency room, I was given morphine in order to alleviate the pain. As these periods of pain intensified, and I sought advice from my local health-care professionals, it was decided to prescribe morphine for me on a regular basis. This was first given as a liquid that I took whenever I needed to alleviate intense pain. This later expanded into morphine patches, which resemble patches not unlike the ones that you use to stop smoking. Once applied to the skin, they remain in position for three days and introduced into the body a continuous supply of morphine. I had just got a supply of these patches just before Christmas, and it was when I had these attached to me, that we found it difficult over Christmas, in the sense I could not partake in the festivities.

I do feel to some extent that the spiritual practices that I do, which do have a refining nature on the energy bodies, can leave one susceptible to very dense chemicalisation. It may be that this has left me very susceptible to the side effects of these medications. Whatever the cause, I have found these medications are too much for me. Since writing the last blog, I have had to take the morphine because I still have periods of pain, but once again found it put me in a very difficult space in which I cannot work at all. In fact, for the last week I have been sleeping nearly 16 hours a day. This becaome unbearable when Christine was in tears because she missed me too much. I simply was not here! In order for me to function on any normal level whatsoever I have now had to leave morphine alone completely.

So what does it do?
What I will describe now is how morphine affects me, but I cannot say that it will affect everybody in this way.
As soon as I started to take morphine I realised that it centred my consciousness on the fourth dimensional plane. It totally disconnected me from any reality on the third dimensional plane, that means that I lost touch with all of reality as we experienced it in everyday waking life.
It seemed to trigger in me a spontaneous dream state that ran side-by-side with my everyday waking state. What I found very disconcerting was that I would switch from my everyday waking state, here and now, to the particular dream that I was having on the fourth dimensional plane. This would happen spontaneously and without warning. To say that confusion occurred would be an understatement. One minute I would be talking to Christine about a certain set of circumstances here and then suddenly be relating to Christine an experience I was having in a dream state on the fourth dimensional plane. For Christine, as the Observer, she heard a totally disjointed conversation. As time progressed, I found I was censoring what I would say to Christine before I would say it and check which reality I was commenting on before I opened my mouth.

Another very disconcerting side-effect of morphine is that the conscious mind could not make up its mind whether it was awake or asleep. And so halfway through a conversation with Christine I would suddenly drop my head forward and fall asleep. This could happen any time anywhere. Driving became an issue and I could not get behind the wheel any more. I would sit watching TV at night with Christine, watching a particular programme, and then suddenly snap awake half an hour later without realising that I had fallen asleep at all. This also happened while I was working on the computer. I would be writing something as part of the work that I am doing, and then the next thing I would wake-up 20 minutes later without realising that I had fallen asleep at all.
Other side-effects of the morphine was that it caused spontaneous muscle spasms. I had to be very careful of this one because I would sit on the settee with Christine drinking a cup of coffee, and the next minute my whole body would jump and the coffee would end up flying everywhere including into my lap. This was not good at all as it would shower the whole of the settee we were sitting on, and of course it is not our cottage that we are staying in.
Another side-effect was that I could not sleep at night. It caused me to experience a sense of foreboding. I found it very difficult just to lay in bed and stay in one position for longer than a few minutes without feeling a sense of paranoia creeping in.
Another side-effect was the fact that morphine interferes with the respiratory process, and one can find oneself very short of breath. This really screwed up my meditation in the sense that I do a lot of pranayama which is deep breathing. I found I could no longer do this any more. This of course caused me a lot of consternation as it is through my meditational practice that I define who I am. The taking of morphine totally disempowered me as the person I believe myself to be. I could not meditate, or sleep, and most of the time I found myself drifting into some kind of twilight zone without reference to time or space.

As I have said, the only viable thing that I can now do is to come off the morphine, which I have done for the last five days. I am now coming back into some kind of balance and feel at last like my old self once again. We are also seeing a great improvement in the pain and also the feeling of inflammation in my throat. We attribute this to the various alternative therapies that we have constantly been taking over the last two months, and we believe we are now starting to see some cellular change as a result of this. At the moment of writing this Christine and I are very optimistic that we are on the path of recovery. Once again, I would like to thank all the people who have sent me e-mails over the last couple of weeks, and who have not received a reply. As you can tell from the above I have not been in the space to be able to sit in front of the computer and write any replies to anybody. I am hoping that in the next few days I can remedy this.

As I have written everything above I am not decrying the use of morphine for one minute. I was talking to my GP today and he very rightly pointed out to me that the people who are experiencing intense pain 24/7 morphine give a much-needed respite. What one has to do whenever one is taking allopathic remedies as opposed to alternative remedies is to find the middle ground. Both have their place in the treatment of illness and it is up to us to find that for each of us.
I also write this account of my experiences with morphine so that all of you out there who may have patients who have to resort to morphine can give them advice from a place of informed decision based on what I have said. For those people who live a life of clarity of consciousness morphine will definitely prove to be a difficult path.